30 Jan

Everybody Just Calm Down!!

Posted by Deb Braidic in A New Idea, Mental drama, Personal Change, Random Thoughts, What if?.

I stumbled onto a new theory the other day.  I was leaning back after just reading something really profound in my latest read . . . “The Tao of Photography,” and I asked myself why I was finding this particular philosophy so durn appealing.

“Why, am I so in love with this take on life?” I wondered.

And I realized what it was.

Taoism seems to gently and tirelessly instruct you to “just calm down,” “let things flow,” and “stop worrying so much.”

Remember . . . Just Relax

These themes speak to me in particular.

As I mentioned a few posts back, I carry around a lot of anxiety.

And as a result, my attempts to control my environment often come through as efforts to get others to “just calm down.”

It’s sort of a metaphor that grabs my brain when I come up against particularly addled or intense people.  Or I find myself suffering from internal pressure to say something funny to take the edge off of the tension in the room for myself and for everyone else.

Getting Jiggy With It

So here’s where my thinking starts to get a little weird.

I couldn’t help but think that maybe there are others out there who start off, without knowing it, attracted to a set of philosophical principles, or even a whole religious ball of wax, based purely on how those principles make them feel . . . and then, secondarily, they go about parsing through all of the dogma and doctrines that come along with the general feeling.

Here are a few example of how I think this might play out:

1.  I have a sneaking suspicion that people who believe in a fire and brimstone approach to their religious lives enjoy having a level of fear as a daily foundation for their lives, because, perhaps, it just feels right for them.

2.  Perhaps those who prefer an ascetic lifestyle enjoy the feeling of doing without, and by engaging with that feeling, all of the rest of their lives seem to fall into place.

3.  Those with a much more liberal approach probably just enjoy sitting with the feeling that, “hey, I’m OK, so you must be OK too.”

4.  And my friends who take on mother nature, or some permutation thereof as their guiding light, seem to enjoy feeling the delight in the fact that, just by going outside, they can experience the magical nature of life, and that this joy is theirs for the taking at any given moment.

I've been known to "attend church" just to see what the building looks like inside . . . this would totally be one that I would go inside.

But, when I ask each of these individuals in various camps how they ‘know’ that their belief is the best belief or how they came to elevate it to the level of a “Truth” for them, their answers tends to revolve, without their realizing it, around a description of a feeling that just feels right and is too strong for them to ignore.

Cult of Calm

I have, for years, joked that, one day, when I retire, I will start a cult, just to keep some drama in my life.

And when people ask me for more information, I usually follow up by saying “Oh yes, we’re going to call it ‘Bumpkins for Jesus’ and it will DEFINITELY involve some sort of door-to-door proselytizing activities so that we can keep active.’

But I’ve realized that I need to dig a little deeper with this whole cult thing . . . for instance maybe, as part of the whole “calm down” approach, we can give out free bottles of cold beer because, after all, what better way to help people calm down than with a refreshing cold drink that warms their hearts . . . and their souls:).

Call me Crazy?

OK . . . I think this is my craziest post yet.  But sometimes, you just have to get these things out of your system.

Have a wonderful week and I hope this post has brought a smile to your face or even a little chuckle has escaped while you gasped in horror at my iconoclastic approach.

Tell me how you really feel by leaving me a comment!

25 Jan

2010 – A Copycat Year – Part #4

Posted by Deb Braidic in A New Idea, Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change, What if?. Tagged: , , , , .

by Philippe L. Gross

Off-leash

Currently, I am savoring an enormously wonderful book entitled “The Tao of Photography.”

It’s been one of those rare literary finds where I feel as if the words aren’t actually on the page but are already in my own head as I read them.

It’s as if the writers know me and I can’t make it through a single page without the authors sharing something with me that makes me mentally thank them for putting into words a concept that had been rolling around like a tumbleweed and, with a little help, became rooted in warm nutrient-rich soil for a longer stay.

The Vignette

For this post, I have selected a vignette from the primary author’s life:
In one of the vignettes in the book, the author talks about how he, at a fairly young age, bought an . . . OMG . . . .wait for it . . . Hasselblad – the veritable king of cameras.

And, in his vignette he relates how, after buying the camera, he realized that his photos were, to his surprise, less than stellar.  He had expected that the Hasselblad name would weave a magic wand over his picture-taking skills and every shot would come out amazing.

Had he purchased lesser equipment, he would have blamed the poor quality photos on the equipment instead of owning up to the fact that he had bought a great camera, ere go, the flaws lay within him.  As a result, he apprenticed himself to the camera, to the brand name that he had bought into and figured out how to be amazing through trial and error – through an apprenticeship that has lasted the better part of his life.

Off-Leash for 2010

I loved this vignette and found that it forms a wonderful backdrop for my third and final theme for 2010 – off-leash.

I could be wrong, but I believe this dog is redefining fun!

You see, this photographer permitted himself to purchase a camera of the highest caliber. Even though he hadn’t received formal or professional training, he had faith in himself to permit himself the latitude to make a major investment in his future.

And this decision set off an entire adventure of his own because he allowed himself to get off of the leash of the idea that only professional photographers who are being paid thousands of dollars per gig could afford or, perhaps more importantly, “should” afford a camera of this caliber.

His going off-leash turned out to be the best decision he could have made.  Because in his apprenticeship to the Hasselblad name brand and all that it stood for, he discovered the true genius in himself.

My Own Meaning for 2010

So, when I say that I’d like to go off-leash, there’s a part of myself that imagines me scampering about, smelling roses and enjoying life in a whole new way that permits me to go off the beaten path every now and then.

But there is also a part of me that is imagining that I will permit myself to reach outward to higher goals than I have ever imagined for myself before.  That, instead of eschewing the highest caliber of investment in myself and my dreams, I will do something that I would have thought crazy – that I will select something worthy of the highest levels of apprenticeship.

But, I am hopeful that the journey just might lead to my discovery of my own unique genius . . . and that journey will, god-willing start this year.

Share Your Thoughts on “Off-Leash”

17 Jan

2010 – A Copycat Year – Part #3

Posted by Deb Braidic in Personal Change.

It takes a copycat to know a copycat, right?

Word #2= Relax

I want to introduce “RELAX,” my second theme for 2010 (take a second to put this post in perspective by reading Part 1) with a story.

The CEO

One weekday morning I was sitting in my car in the parking garage outside our office.

I wasn’t avoiding work.  I was finishing a personal call via cell phone and the subject matter was simply too personal to allow me to exit the car just yet.

I had been there five minutes or so before I looked up and noticed our CEO dead ahead of me in the parking garage, pulling out his suit coat, readying his attache case, shuttering his car, and preparing to enter the same building as I.

It was only for a moment that I got to spy on this individual but it was a moment that I will never forget because I couldn’t help but notice how relaxed and deliberate his movements were.

Every movement was unhurried, methodical, without false starts and double movements to recover from errors made.

Compared to the movements I make throughout the day, this individual moved in slow motion, at a pace that would be painful for me, a person who’s movements have often been described as “sudden.”


Will Be CEO For Food

Bringing it Back Around to Me

People generally tell me that I seem calm.

But this is not my reality.

I carry a lot of anxiety around with me, all the time, every moment of each and every single day.  This causes the tiny muscles in my neck and shoulders to bunch up into knots and my back to hunch forward as I attempt to project myself forward at full-tilt to get all of my daily life “done” during the day and escape unscathed.

Fewer Limits

What doesn’t come naturally is relaxing my interior space – to free up the chokehold of anxiety to allow myself to live with a few less limits.

That's my baby

That’s what word #2 for 2010 is about.  I’ve chosen “Relax” as my second theme for 2010 because my goal is to embody what that 2-minute observation of the CEO in the story above means to me – of someone who, although dealing with significant pressures coming from a multitude of sources, is relaxed enough to be deliberate, unhurried, and measured.

What Might Happen for Me

The reason why I wish to do this is simple.  I know that, without a doubt, I pressure myself in ways that are not only unrealistic, but which prevent me from opening up my arms to opportunities that are likely right in front me.

This year will be about my efforts to relax in ways to open me up a bit more to life’s delicious opportunities.

Organize – my first theme will position me to be more relaxed and not weighed down by life’s mundane activities.  My hope is that getting organized will take the edge off of some of my anxieties and position me, with a bit of internal relaxation to go “Off-Leash” (my third theme for 2010).

What Do You Think?

Want to join me?  Or are you already so relaxed that you need a different theme?  Can’t wait to read your thoughts.

Leave a comment

6 Jan

2010 a Copycat Year – Part 2

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change, Random Thoughts, Small Victories. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .

It takes a copycat to know a copycat, right?

Word #1= Organize

Recently, I visited the Arclight in Hollywood with friends to watch the highly acclaimed movie, Nine.
The end of the movie grabbed me, and is the single piece that I keep thinking about.

And, believe it or not, this seemingly completely unrelated movie has wound up helping me develop my first theme for 2010 – Organize (take a second to put this post in perspective by reading Part 1).

Confused?

Confused?

I understand, but I think I can help to explain myself.

The first 3/4 of the movie defined a man attempting to make a fantasy world become reality – and the more he sought fantasy – the more his life fell apart.

The reality was that the individuals he chose to make main characters never really could be main characters.   But he sought them out for guidance.  He wanted them to be the underpinnings of his life but they could not be.

At the end of the movie, he takes a slow, long look at reality and makes a movie about it.  And, in a beautiful and harmonious fashion, the characters he attempted to make main characters, all magically take their rightful places as supportive roles in his life – a cast of characters helping to make him who he is.

Bringing it Back to Me

A new look for our utensil drawer

So,  as I stared 2010 in the face, I realized that I also have a fantasy.

I like to think that, at some point in our busy lives, I will have enough time and inclination to place our house in an organized, easy, Zen, place.

And the more I hold onto the fantasy, the more it eludes me.  I may bemoan the fact that our abode is never clean and nothing is in its rightful place, but it does nothing to make this part of my life, or any part of my life more successful.

I have, like the main character in Nine, allowed disorganization paired with a fantasy to be what I come home to each night – a home in constant states of disarray and a bedraggled existence outside of work.

Rearranging

It’s not that I think that I really have the patience or the temperament to be a full-time homemaker because I don’t.  Its more that I recognize that a little organization could create a life that has a baseline of harmony and allows the main story to proceed unabated instead of fantasy and reality warring against each other as they do in the cinematic production of Nine and in my life.

So, I have some organization, reorganization, cleaning, and tidying ahead of me.  And, I am now finally coming to realize the value of setting these things up as habits – things that I simply take care of without remorse and as a matter of course, things that slowly shift from being fantasy, to being a sideline story in a multifaceted plot of a life – my life.

Spring Cleaning Early

A rearranged spice cupboard

So this year, not only am I doing spring cleaning, but I am doing it early this year.  I have started in the kitchen as this is where we find our sustenance for the day ahead each morning, and help to soothe ourselves before bedtime at the end of a day of toil.

A few things I’m already proud of:

  • A newly spic and span refrigerator
  • Main cupboard realigned to place all of the resources that we need for our morning habits all in the same place
  • Spice cupboard organized, loosely, by alpha-order
  • Reorganized pantry cupboards
  • Reorganized utensil drawer
  • Placement of spatulas and key cooking utensils next to the stove microwave area

And there’s more to come.

So, although this may be counted as one of my more mundane posts, I think it is a reverse take on the Zen Buddhist statement “After ecstasy, the laundry.”  How about “Before a great day, clean the kitchen?”

This is the nicest my fridge has ever looked!

Take that Zen Buddhism.

Actually . . . it’s more like, ‘Take that – 2010!’

How Does “Organize” Strike You as a Theme?

Is this my most boring post yet?  Love to hear your thoughts on my new theme.

Leave me a comment

Photo Credit for two boys & solider: Soldiers Media Studio

2 Jan

2010 A Copycat Year – Part 1

Posted by Deb Braidic in A New Idea, Personal Change, What if?. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .

I almost jumped out of my chair with delight on the last day of 2009.


“At last!”  I thought, “Someone is anti-resolution . . . just like me.”

I was reading an e-newsletter from Chris Brogan and was enraptured at the thought that one of my “gurus” was just like me – not interested in the slightest . . . in creating New Year’s Resolutions.

For once, someone I respected was on my side.

But Then . . .

But then he offered an alternative that was even more delightful to me than creating goals, or New Year’s Resolutions.

He advised me, and everyone else who subscribes to his e-newsletter via cyberspace to come up with three words – words that were meaningful to you – words that, in and of themselves would serve as themes for the rest of your year – about the perspectives you wanted to fine-tune or bring to your year.

A Copycat

I am not normally a copycat. In fact, even when I am a copycat, I try to change up my “copying” just a bit because I can’t stand not offering some sort of original take on an old topic or activity.

But this year, I can’t wait to brag about being a copycat.

It takes a copycat to know a copycat, right?

It takes a copycat to know a copycat, right?

My Three Words

Here are my three words that will serve as themes for 2010:

  • Organize
  • Relax
  • Off-leash

And, as you might expect, I’ll be mulling them over and treasuring each of them in 2009.

But in the Meantime

Are you up for creating a few themes for your year? If you were to choose one theme for your year right now, what would it be? What will it be?

Leave a Comment

Photo Credit: Soldiers Media Studio

24 Dec

Tiger Woods – a Study in Privacy

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, What we Hide. Tagged: , , , .

As an English major, I found the whole Tiger Woods story fascinating in a sort of classic Shakespeariean King Lear kind of way.

It wasn’t the classic tale of a man in high places with a picture perfect life that turned out to be a sham that got me . . . it was more a subtle growing sense of the irony of how he lived his life that has really stopped me in my tracks.

Tiger’s Privacy

Before we begin, I’ll readily admit that I know only a few things about Tiger Woods . . . that he’s got a great reputation in the golf community, that he is perceived as one of the greatest athletes of our time, and that he has a lot of corporate endorsements that must, I can only guess, support an amazing lifestyle for him, his family, and his loved ones.

But, because of the media frenzy as of late, I have come to realize that Tiger pegged the underpinnings of his personal life to a little thing called privacy.

Individuals, allegedly, could trace the end of their friendship with Tiger back to a moment when they broke the seal of privacy about Tiger’s real life.

Photo Source: Sacramento Source

And Then There Was This . . .

But then something happened.  Tiger hit a stationary object outside his house while driving his car.  And suddenly, there was a tiny tear in the fabric of his privacy.

And it turned out that his privacy wasn’t really privacy . . . it was something much more sinister.

It turned out that Tiger’s fight to protect his privacy was really an elaborate plan to preserve his secrecy – to live in a closed world where no one on the outside could see in and no one on the inside could see out to gain perspective.

I Don’t Feel Sorry

I don’t feel sorry for Tiger because he is not a victim.   No one blew his cover.  No  family friend pierced the veil of his privacy.

He created a pin prick of an opening into his life all by himself, and fell on a sword that he had carefully been burnishing for years.  And that tiny pin prick allowed a searchlight to shine into his life.  Suddenly things were illuminated that no one had seen before . . . but which had been there all along.

And it turns out that behind the veil of privacy, or secrecy, as I like to think of it, he is still all of the things we know him to be:  a great athlete, well-respected in the golf community, and also just a real person with problems.

Instead of feeling sorry for him or his family, I find myself wondering how much longer Tiger’s charade would have continued if we hadn’t known about it and told him publicly, “Hey Tiger, the jig is up.  How about we play real life for a change?”

How long would his marriage have continued to be a sham?  How long would he have continued living a lifestyle of complete insincerity and secrecy?

For every finger pointing at us, Tiger, there are four pointing back at you:)

Photo Source: Examiner.com

We All Want Privacy

We all want privacy.  But for Tiger’s sake, I’m glad we got to sneak a peek at his life.  It wasn’t so important that we looked . . . but that HE looked.

And he wasn’t forced to do that until we got our opportunity to do so first.

Aren’t you glad you looked? If you are, Leave a comment and let me know!

13 Dec

Am I an Outlier? (Part 2)

Posted by Deb Braidic in A New Idea, Personal Change, Random Thoughts, What if?. Tagged: , , , , , .

“Your good grades are because you work hard . . . not because the subjects you are studying come easily for you.”

Her comment was not meant to be cutting.  But it was.

She thought she was sharing with me a truth about myself so that I would know what strengths to rely on in the future.  I took her comment to mean that I really wasn’t very good at anything because, even though I was good at academics, this wasn’t enough to cut it in the real world.

A Reversal

But, through reading Malcolm Gladwell’s recent work, Outliers, I got to turn the tables on this quote that I’ve walked around with in my head for some time.

The Book

If Malcolm is correct, the fact that I work hard and am willing to apply myself for long periods of time makes me an outlier . . . it gives me an added note of specialness.

When I was a child, it meant that while others were home playing Atari and Nintendo video games, I was reading, studying, doing my homework, being a nerd.  And I did this without anyone yelling at me to do so.  I did it all on my own – I applied myself.

She Was Right

And this made the difference for me.  The fact that I wasn’t brilliant at a particular subject, the fact that I didn’t have a photographic memory and “never need to study,” the fact that I wasn’t smart enough to just retain everything thrown my way helped me to sail easily through all of my grades and through college, even while carrying a full-time enrollment schedule and working a full-time job.

The Question Remains

So, we’ve established that I have the staying power to stick with something for that 10,000 hours.

I have the demonstrated capacity to do so.

But there are other things that Malcolm mentions . . . the ability to land in the right environment that encourages you and provides you with the right opportunities to move forward and be successful given the ability to apply yourself.

I have part of the equation.  Now, it is up to me to see if I have found the best environment for me to hone my skills and be successful.

How Will I Know?

This is the question that I need your help with.  How will I know if I am in the best environment to encourage my 10,000 hour kick?  Do you have an idea you can share with me?  Leave me a Comment . . . Please!!

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11 Dec

The Power of Illness – Part 3b of 3

Posted by Deb Braidic in Personal Change, Professional Change. Tagged: , , , .

I was languishing under the reign of a flu that had knocked my socks off but that wasn’t the reason for the ’sigh’ that escaped from me that morning.  Instead, the sigh came from a deeper place.

A sigh that said, “I know I finished that item,” and I’m going to take a second to feel a brief respite from overwhelm but only long enough to take one quick breath and then I am diving under again . . . entering a state of deeper overwhelm.

But because I was sick, I couldn’t just dive back under again quickly and submerge my thoughts of overwhelm with thoughts of the process of doing . . . of goals and of completion and of accomplishment within my sights.

This is a Triumph . . . note scrawled on Univ of CA bathroom wall

The Conversation

The conversation took no time at all and it was completely one-way:

Deb: Wait just one little second!!!!
I’m allowing myself to feel the weight and the burden of what’s on my plate.
But . . . I’m not allowing myself to feel the joy of triumph when I move anything off of my plate.

And with that, I knew that something had to change.  And that something was me.

The New Commitment

I can’t kid myself.  I know that this feeling of overwhelm is part of a larger pattern of behavior that I’ve bought into.  And it will take me a while to cash out all of my chips.  But . . . until I do, I am going to make a concerted effort to shift how I end each day.

As I end the workday, and begin my drive north on Cahuenga Blvd., away from my cubicle parked at the corner of Cahuenga and Sunset, I’m going to have a different conversation with myself.  I’m going to ask myself whether I’m proud of what happened that day, of what I have done.  And I’m going to enumerate the things that I did of which I am proud.

And, as I drive north and away from the cubicle world, I will allow my chest to take a moment to fill with pride, joy, and triumph, over even the smallest thing that I accomplished that day . . . of each time I hit the “send” button on an email of completion.

And, over time, I am convinced that the tide will turn.  I won’t be sighing a thousand tiny sighs each day for the overwhelming wave of tasks that lies behind each task that I complete.

So What do You Think?

Would this solution work for you?  Do you think it will work for me?  How would you tweak it to make it more helpful to you or to someone else?  Leave me a comment . . . please!

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8 Dec

The Power of Illness – Part 3a of 3

Posted by Deb Braidic in A New Idea, Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change. Tagged: , , , , .

Done

“Done!” I thought to myself as I pressed the “send” button on the email.

I was alerting the requestor of the task of its completion . . . of my success and of his benefitting from my successful completion of the task.

The Sigh

But I noticed that something was awry!  Instead of feeling pride in being finished . . . instead of feeling my chest push its way forward and my head lift a tiny bit in triumph . . . I found myself inhaling air into my chest only to allow my head to sink a little bit as I let out a low sigh.

And because I was under the weather, because I was recovering from a knock-your-socks-off flu, I hesitated just for an extra second before opening the next email in my cue as I let out the final tones of my drawn out sigh.  And during that extra split second, I noticed how I felt, noticed how I truly felt deep down inside.

I wasn’t sighing because I was sad or resigned . . . I was sighing because I was feeling overwhelmed.

The Pivotal Sigh

Photo credit by: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gypsyrock/ / CC BY 2.0

Had I had my normal mojo on . . . I wouldn’t have noticed it . . . I would have let out the sigh and already been reading the next email.  I would have been able to ignore my feelings of overwhelm and just “moved on.”

But this is a post about the power of illness . . . its magical ability to help you stop and look at the things that are plaguing you . . . to keep you from ignoring the things that are acting like a slow jackhammer on the pavement of the road of your life.

What’s Your Guess?

I’ve got the rest of the story coming in the next post.

But in the meantime, I’d love to hear how you would suggest that I should handle this internal dialogue.  What if it were you sighing at your desk with a persistent state of overwhelm?  What would you do?  Leave me a Comment . . . Please!

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22 Nov

Lights, Darks & No Middles

Posted by Deb Braidic in A New Idea, Personal Change, What if?.

Months have passed since Robin entered our home and gave it a good shakedown that resulted in a beautiful transformation for which I’ll be forever grateful.

But since she left, I have been secretly, silently mulling over a comment she made as she sat on our moss green couch and casually observed what we had already done with the place on our own . . .

“Well . . . you have a lot of lights and darks . . . but no middles.”

And, sure enough what Robin brought, among other design sensibilities, was a sprinkling of beautiful middle colors into our home, carnelian oranges, wasabi greens, and jewel-tone reds, and a splash of yellow.  We had the frame of deep browns and greens and creams, but this was not enough to give our home a vibrance that delighted the eyes when we arrived home from a hard day at work.  Her middle colors “woke up” our home.

At the time, her comment struck me as a brilliant observation about our decorating skills, but I kept this comment close to me because I figured, if I watched carefully enough, it might really mean something more, for me, and for my life.

Applications

Our office was the last piece in our redecorating puzzle for me.  And as I have engaged in a “Robin-izing” process in this final room, I have studied what has occurred through the process.

I love books.  Benson loves books.  As a result, no matter how hard we try to part with as many as we can possibly stand to release from our company, we have a lot of books.  The vast majority of our most treasured tomes reside in our office.

As part of our decor process, we bought two new large modern-style espresso wooden bookshelves.  I also picked up a small chest of drawers with a Chinese flair to it to hold things like envelopes, chargers, and other office items and found a wonderful sienna-colored club chair, throw and pillow to add an extra seating area in the room.

I thought that the addition of these pieces, alone, would help me transform the room and add structure to it.  But, hard as I tried to be satisfied, I wasn’t satisfied.

And this weekend, in a fanciful way, I cocked my head to the side and told Benson, “I think I’m going to reorganize our books by color.”  He nodded in agreement and looked at me carefully to judge my enthusiasm level and, seeing that it was at a fever pitch, refrained from asking the question that I know was on his lips . . . “Why?”

So, I took all the books out of their places and regathered them according to color, placing the lightest colored books at the top of the bookshelves and the darkest books at the bottom.  And when I finished reorganizing on Saturday morning, I was simply in love with what I had done.

Stacks of books but now by color!

Whereas before there were stacks of books that made me feel like I had entered an old person’s home, where life has been collected without rhyme or reason and has been left to sit idle and a little disheveled, now there is beauty in this final room of our home that has waited the longest for its transformation to arrive.

And Meanings

What is interesting to me now is that, when I enter our office, it’s not the white or the black-spined books that catch my attention . . . it’s the yellow books, the oranges, the burnt siennas, and the blues that make my heart sing.  It’s the middle colors that my eyes gravitate toward as I enter the space.

And the real meaning for me was that . . . perhaps, I spend too much time looking for the highs of life and even my life’s lows to judge my life’s effectiveness as it spans across its tiny course of time.

But maybe, instead, I should be repackaging up the juicy, delightful middles in a way that will help them really shine, the things that appear to be everyday occurrences that happen within the larger boundaries of highs and lows.

Organizing by color

Maybe its the pineapple yellows and the brilliant garnet reds in the middle of life that I should be focusing on and all of this time, I have been focusing on the lights and darks.

Share

Please share your thoughts on what I have done and whether you think this might work in your own home or life.  Click here to leave a quick comment for me.


RELATED ITEMS

16 Nov

The End of the Debacle

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, Mental drama, Random Thoughts, Small Victories.

Just a quick update for you . . .

This week I finally resolved the Designer Jeans Debacle for Benson.

The Resolution

After bringing home the designer jeans that I bought at Nordstrom (which, by the way, were skin-tight and fairly unattractive to my taste) he finally confessed that what he really wanted were “relaxed jeans that still looked good.”

This past weekend I stumbled into Macy’s hoping to kill some time.  My Macy’s has two paths – off to the right is handbags, jewelry, cosmetic and women’s shoes.  To the left is all things for men.  I know where the path to the right leads – I take it often – it means that I will walk out of the store, two hours later feeling like I have wasted perfectly valuable time and spent money (not a good combo in my book).

So I played it safe and steered myself over to the Men’s section of the store.  Lo and behold if I didn’t walk straight up to the Levi’s section and find Benson’s perfect jeans – Levi’s 559 (relaxed, straight leg fit) on sale for $29.99 each.

And a Little Something for Me

And, just to make my guest poster, the Financial Philosopher, happy, I found out that Macy’s had lowered my spending limit to a measly $100 due to a glitch on their part that separated my Macy’s account from the Visa account that they tacked onto it without asking, which keeps telling me (when I check it dutifully online) that I have a balance in my favor, but on the Macy’s side shows that I owe them money.

So I cancelled the account.

What a wonderful ending to what could have been a long and shameful story about personal shopping, overindulgence of a loved one, and a debacle involving designer jeans:).

And, don’t worry, Benson will thank me for it!

Let me know what you think of my Solution!

Photo Credit:  Jeans close-up, bluryee

12 Nov

Power of Illness – Part 2 of 3

Posted by Deb Braidic in Mental drama, Personal Change, Professional Change, Random Thoughts, What if?, What we Hide.

So, in my earlier post, I let you know that I had become sick – really sick.  In this post we begin dissecting  a few moments of enlightenment that I had while I was sick.

Thoughts Go Slower When You Are Sick

This may read like a “what is the sound of one hand clapping” post to you, but while I was in the depths of being sick, I had the distinct impression that my thoughts occurred more slowly.

They also appeared to be less connected to me.

Normally, thoughts whiz across my brain so quickly and drag me along with them for successive thoughts and thoughts that follow upon the successive thoughts and then emotions that follow those thoughts until I don’t even realize it but I’m having the same exact internal discussion that I had with myself two weeks ago without realizing that I am doing it.

But, when I’m sick, a thought will arrive and just kind of hang out there on the gray screen of my mind and nothing follows up for a few delightful seconds.

And during these delightful seconds, something occurred following one of these thoughts.

But I Just . . .

While I was sick, I had a lot of thoughts about work – about projects underway, projects I’d like to start, projects I’d like to gain additional collaboration around, etc.

While internally conferring about one of these projects, my brain started to bring up all of the problems associated with the project and, in my mind’s eye, these were all problems associated with other people or the nature of internal dysfunction between departments where I work.

In one of these internal conferences I heard the following thoughts cross the void and arrive for a moment on the gray screen:

Thought #1:  ”What we’re really missing is XYZ.”

Thought #2:  ”I think it could be solved if we could ABC.”

Thought #3:  ”But I just don’t think it can work in the current structure because . . . “

There it was, I had heard enough to stop myself.  In that little thought escapade I had illuminated a pattern in my own thinking.

I think about a problem.  I come up with a plausible solution.  And then I immediately follow up that solution with a thought about how it can’t work “because I just . . .”

What I Learned

What I learned from that conference was that I need to carefully watch and listen for myself saying the words mentally or aloud “But I just” because this is an indicator that I am giving myself an excuse for not taking action, for not moving forward.

And as soon as I gave myself the command to be on the watch for thoughts that start with “But I just . . . ” I saw this little  mental movie of myself spreading a blanket over something and putting my arms and head down on top of the blanket “Heads-Up Seven-Up” style.

I paused the movie for a second and realized what I was doing in a metaphorical sense – in my “but I just” moments, I was spreading a blanket over both the problem and the solution and thinking that by resting my head on top of it and waiting for someone else to take care of it or make things possible for me to move forward, that I was resting, escaping from hard onerous work . . . that I was doing myself a favor.

I also saw how I was combining the problem, the solution, and my emotional overlay into one item when they were not one item at all.

Motto for the Moment

So, my motto for the moment is that I will attempt to see the problem, the solution, and my emotional overlay as three separate things.  When I hear the “but I just,” I will ask my emotional overlay to step aside and allow me to lift up the blanket and offer the solution irregardless of whether it is the right solution, the best solution, or a worse solution because it is up to me to offer a solution if I see that there is one to be offered and that is really the only responsibility I can ever have.

What do you think of my new motto? Don’t be too harsh if you hate it, ok, because I am actually still sick and can use the rest – some time to sneak back under the blankets (LOL).

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wonderlane/ / CC BY 2.0

7 Nov

The Rabbi’s Theory

Posted by Deb Braidic in Mental drama, Random Thoughts, What we Hide. Tagged: , , , , , .

I don’t know how true this is but it seemed appropriate to share in the middle of my series of posts on illness.

The other day, mid-conversation, I remembered a story that I heard third-hand, and now you’re hearing it fourth-hand, no doubt, with embellishments.

The Theory

A rabbi that the “teller” of what follows below and I knew in common once had a theory.

Over time he had begun to notice that, when a person in his Temple really needed to hear a message that he was giving, REALLY needed it, they would invariably fall asleep during the middle of it and miss the bulk of what he had to say.

Over time, he had come to believe that their falling asleep was not really avoidance behavior.

Makes me wish I was small enough to fit in a laundry basket. Photo Credit: Flooffy

Instead, he believed that this was the only way for the message to get through.   If the person were awake, their conscious mind would be working overtime arguing with the message and missing, perhaps, the real beauty of what it could offer for their lives.

But if the person fell asleep, their conscious mind was unavailable for comment and the message got to slip in through the back door and have a tour around in their mind to see if it had a shot at finding a home there.

What do you think? Hey . . . are you awake?!?!

6 Nov

The Power of Illness – Part 1 of 3

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, Mental drama, Personal Change, What we Hide. Tagged: , , , , .

This week, I became ill.

It was a doozy!  For the first time in years, neither food nor fluids sounded appetizing or helpful in any way for a full 24 hour period.

This wasn’t an illness where I felt poorly but could fulfill all of my normal daily tasks.  Not at all.  My head was loopy.  I was devoid of mojo.

And I was watching myself like a hawk the entire time . . . Continue reading

31 Oct

Never Too Late for Smile Lines

Posted by Deb Braidic in Personal Change.

With every day that passes, the message that I am a woman in the midsection of her life is tracing its way across my face.   My first notification occurred when I spotted my first gray hairs and, as predicted, the cavalcade has begun (check out the blog post about this event “Can Gray Hair Change Me?“).

What this means is that lines are appearing in places and settling in for a long and ever-deepening stay, and I am starting to see the shape that my face takes much of the time, during the time when I am not looking at myself and using my “I’m looking at myself look.” Continue reading

20 Oct

Can I Be True?

Posted by Deb Braidic in Growing up, Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change.

When I first started this blog, it was to be true to a part of me that I felt needed to be shared . . . a part of me that likes to mull things over and feels impatient if the mulling over doesn’t result in something with some sort of termination point – something to show for the trouble.

But, There’s More?

And now, I have found another part of me that I believe not only needs to be shared, but it needs to be developed.  It’s course terminated at age 25, and now, 12 years later, I’d like to pick it back up again, dust it off, and take it out for a spin. Continue reading

13 Oct

Triple It!

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change, Professional Change, Random Thoughts. Tagged: , , , , , .

A long time ago, I learned a business rule  . . .

Double It

You take your estimated start-up costs for your new business and you double them.  You don’t ask questions.  You don’t say things like, “Oh, but I know I’ll stick to my budget” or “I’m excellent with budgeting.”

Not allowed.  Without even hesitating, you double your costs because, you just won’t know what your business will demand until you actually start it.  There are so many unknowns with a new endeavor that, even the idea of estimating will only ensure that you capture half of your costs. Continue reading

1 Oct

Useless Information

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change, What if?. Tagged: , , , .

” . . . everything I’ve ever done in my career has helped me” she said, “When I stopped modeling, I thought, well that was a waste of time and energy!  But, modeling has really helped me so much with the things that I did once I stopped modeling.”

We were discussing what qualified as a career misstep and what qualified as something that “counted” for something that helped us later in our careers. Continue reading

22 Sep

Over and Unders

Posted by Deb Braidic in Knowns and Unknowns, Personal Change. Tagged: , , , , , .

Leading up to my “athlon” race, my trainer, Keli Roberts, had given me a few special assignments, workouts that were designed to help me improve my cycling performance but ended up being a gentle reminder about how life works.

The Assignment

In the final month leading up to the 18-mile race, I was tasked with completing a special workout she dubbed “Over and Unders.”  The concept behind these workouts is simple yet powerful. Continue reading

17 Sep

Spare Change

Posted by Deb Braidic in Personal Change, Random Thoughts.

I am so excited to introduce a post in a decidedly different voice . . . . nope, it’s not one of my other personalities . . . instead it is another fellow blogger who has taken time from his own busy blog to craft a post just for you.

I stumbled onto Kent’s blog “The Financial Philosopher” just in time to read a post about contentment that held within it a quote that has stuck with me ever since:

“I love to go and see all the things I am happy without.” ~ Socrates

You’ll notice that Kent peppers (or salts) his prose with quotes from his favorite philosophers.

And for this post, I have to say that the latter half hit where I am now, right on the mark (even without the credence lent by his fellow philosophers). Continue reading

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